Martians Defeated

Fresh from the battlefield, CORTFBC war correspondent wipes the blood from her index finger to type this exclusive report.
A border skirmish at Victory Park today (December 31, 2007 earthtime) rendered alien forces inoperative.
The strike by water and air at Oamaru harbour categorically eliminated any threat from Mars.
Pacifist warfare bystander and Killing As Organised Sport (KAOS) spokesman Scott Barnes, of Blenheim, was on the field for an interview (see above photo).
He reported use of biological and germ warfare.
When asked for a description of the state of mind required to maim, wound and generally munt Martian ass until foam string and curious ooze was seen spurting in a sticky mess onto the grass, he offered the following: "It feels pretty choice. It makes me feel better about myself when I see people hurt."
His explanation for this trigger-fingering malaise?
"I've got a fidgeting disorder."
KAOS also threatened to granny pash Alf's Imperial Army, Earth's defenders.
Little did Scott Barnes know, the true grannies of the battlefield, Brownie HydeRangers, were typically the most organised.
HydeRanger medical corpses (SUBS NOT SPELLING) militated against the Martians in a ruthless display of efficiency almost unbecoming in women of a certain age.
Brownies (see above photo, showing left to right Jay and Frances MacMillan, Oliver Briggs, brownie butler Tobias Trout, Tom Muir, AnneMarie Liesbeth, and brown owl Donna Demente) were valiantly (SUBS NOTE ACCURACY ERROR: Brown owl drives a Merc) engaged in the heroic distribution of emergency cups of tea to wounded and dying imperial forces.
The HydeRangers' medical station dispatched of each flailing and shaking machine shuddering in its death throes with vigour.
For piety's sake and reasons of brevity, we'll let the last word rest with the Martians.
Shortly before its gruesome putdown, a Martian was heard begging for leniency.
In a fine display of extraterrestrial cunning, it appealed to Alfs and earthlings thus: "Actually I'm only one-sixth Martian. I'm registered on the Martian electoral role."
A Martian charge followed and the selfsame creature was heard crying, "Don't eat them all. Save some for me."